I know I didn't set this up very well as far as explaining his past, the point is all the trouble and problems he has had compares nothing to the last 5 years, how he gets up every morning with a smile and continues to plan his future I'll never know.
A few years ago we got a call from an old accquantiance he may be the father of her child a boy. Almost 6 years ago he and his brother went back to Havelock for the long Thanksgiving weekend, long story short one thing led to another,he was drunk and the result is a beautiful baby boy, our first grandchild. The next thing we know a sheriff is standing at our door serving papers for Shane to go have a paternity test. about 3 week later the results state 99.9% he is the father. At the time Shane was all in love with Cayla(not her rel name) she wants nothing to do with the child, and Shane being all in love gives her what she wants. The next couple of years are spent going back and forth to New Bern for child support hearings, he lost a number of jobs because of this. No sooner would he get a decent job then he had to ask for time off to go back there, if he didn't he was facing arrest.We finally got that all straight,
Then one New Years Eve me and my husband decide to go to Helen Ga for new years, Shane wanted to have a party so we decided to leave. Just before midnight we get a call from Shane that the sheriff was at the front door serving him with custody papers. Seems the mom had a drinking problem and was in rehab, the grandparents was suing for custody. Shane decided he didn't want to give up his rights he wanted to be a part of his life. So here we go back to New Bern for the custody hearing. The judge was on our side and granted custody, the grandparents were not happy, they said they didn't know us. Well lets get to know each other a be one big happy family. We went to see him for the first time this past Thanksgiving weekend, then again at Christmas time. And this spring we went and were able to have him all to ourselves for a few hours. he seems to be a peace with this and happy to be in his life
Monday, July 18, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Home Schooling
I got all the necessary paper work done that the state required (which wasen't much) oredered books from Bob Jones University and was all set Shane seemed to be excited about this but he did miss his friends and the socialization of school. it all went very good each morning he would get up have breakfast, I would give him his assigments for the day, when he was done he was free to do what he wanted. The first week it took him forever to finish but as the days and weeks went on he was usually finished by lunch time and his grades were excetellent. After lunch he woukd come with me to our candle store and help his dad make candles and soap, by 4 or 5 me and him woud go home, I would cook dinner and he woud see his girlfriend.
Then one evening he came to me and said Sally (not her real namez) dad is going to come over and talk to you? Why I said She is pregent!! I got on the phone called my husband and told him to close and get home now I was not goingto deal with this my self. My husband got home about 10 minutes before they arrived. Shane handled himself very good Sally was a mess and I understood and tried not to be to upset my self. We talked really did;t accomplish a lot, most of it was the blame game. When they were leaving I gave Sally a hug and told her everything woukd be ok. We talked to Shane about what he wanted of course he was 16 at the time, he said he wanted the baby, and to marry Sally. The next day Sally and her dad came to the store and we were able to talk a litle more calm. Told them what Shane wanted asked Sally what she wanted, she just stood there looking down at the floor and shrgged her shoulders. I knew she was afarid to say the wrong thing my husband looked at Shane said its time to be a man make the decision for your family. Do you love Shane I asked her she nidded yes, Shane said we are going to get married. There it was settled it woukd be a shot gun wedding, it had to be done quickly she was all rady 4 months along. The next afternoon we got a call from her dad saying they were going to Geogria for her to get a late term abortion and they wanted haf the money. My husband told him she was his daughter and we coukdnot stop it but we were not going to contrubite one dime to this. Shane was devasted he went to his room crying, I knocked on his door went in anf held my baby all I want is what you and dad have he said, I know I said there was nothing more I could say, I just held him and let him cry it out.
After a few days went by Sally called the house I answered the phone tokd her not to call here again. But Shane heard me and grabed the phone and was out the door. We continued with his studies and he did better and better every week, soon we were able to move on to his senior year, but decided to wait till the next fall, he wanted to enjoy summer.
Then one evening he came to me and said Sally (not her real namez) dad is going to come over and talk to you? Why I said She is pregent!! I got on the phone called my husband and told him to close and get home now I was not goingto deal with this my self. My husband got home about 10 minutes before they arrived. Shane handled himself very good Sally was a mess and I understood and tried not to be to upset my self. We talked really did;t accomplish a lot, most of it was the blame game. When they were leaving I gave Sally a hug and told her everything woukd be ok. We talked to Shane about what he wanted of course he was 16 at the time, he said he wanted the baby, and to marry Sally. The next day Sally and her dad came to the store and we were able to talk a litle more calm. Told them what Shane wanted asked Sally what she wanted, she just stood there looking down at the floor and shrgged her shoulders. I knew she was afarid to say the wrong thing my husband looked at Shane said its time to be a man make the decision for your family. Do you love Shane I asked her she nidded yes, Shane said we are going to get married. There it was settled it woukd be a shot gun wedding, it had to be done quickly she was all rady 4 months along. The next afternoon we got a call from her dad saying they were going to Geogria for her to get a late term abortion and they wanted haf the money. My husband told him she was his daughter and we coukdnot stop it but we were not going to contrubite one dime to this. Shane was devasted he went to his room crying, I knocked on his door went in anf held my baby all I want is what you and dad have he said, I know I said there was nothing more I could say, I just held him and let him cry it out.
After a few days went by Sally called the house I answered the phone tokd her not to call here again. But Shane heard me and grabed the phone and was out the door. We continued with his studies and he did better and better every week, soon we were able to move on to his senior year, but decided to wait till the next fall, he wanted to enjoy summer.
The begining
This is the story of my son Shane, the most optimistic boy I know, I really don't know how he pulls himself up all the time. Every time he is happy and doing good he is slammed back down.
he was diagnosed as ADHD in 1st grade attended special ed while we were in California, when we moved back to Havelock NC he was also placed in a contained class with much more severe learning disabled children, but he was doing good and that is what counts.
Shane was always a very inquisitive child, always on the go. I remember one time it was about 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning the phone rang, it was the police, asking if we knew where Shane was my husband said in bed, the cop said are you sure, Dennis got up went to his room and he was not there, he was at the Winn Dixie, was told by neighborhood kids that prostitutes hung out there, so he went to see for himself, he was about 6 at that time.
As the years went by he struggled in school but got by, by the time he entered middle school there was no self contained class, Shane was to be mainstreamed but would have a IEP (individual education plan) ha!!We were always being called to the school, for IEP meetings (waste of everyone time) or he was in trouble. I think it was middle school he was accused of sexual harassment! He called a girl Muffin!! I couldn't go to that meeting, had to work my husband went. But calling a girl Muffin!! sexual harassment!! One of his conditions of his IEP was he could be on the foot ball team as an incentive but was not to be used as punishment. every Friday the football team got to where their jerseys, Shane did something I don't remember what their has been so much, as his punishment he was not allowed to wear his jersey.That was against his IEP. He was very distraught that evening my husband called the principal Mr West the most wonderful principal in the world I can not say enough about that man. After my husband explained the situation Mr West told him to meet him at his office in the morning and we would take care of that. i took Shane to school that next morning and Mr West got him his jersey!!
Another time Shane got into trouble was shoplifting at the local drug store his friends dared him and he took some lip balm, got another call my good ole Havelock PD, Shane was at the station, my husband went to pick him up as his punishment he had to write an essay about why shoplifting was wrong, he did that turned it in to the police and in front of the child threw it away didn't even read it..
OK so that takes care of middle school, on to high school. Again no special ed, so more IEP meetings, Shane was to have extra time taking tests and he wouldd have a computer to do his class work Shane was now diagnosed as Dis graphic he cant write. He didn't like the computer so he accidentally broke it. Now we are into the end of year testing, if you don't pass that you don 't go on to the next grade, Shane was placed in a special class for that after all we want the teachers to look good. After a few in school suspensions we noticed he did much better in there, why? because he was in cubical no distractions he actually got he work done and was done right, so at one of the IEP meetings we asked if this could be arranged for him he was passing for crying out loud!! But of course no it couldn't be arragned. So we had to continue struggling. We got involved with the local group for ADHD kids tried to make a difference. At one point we went into mediation, we had heard that the high School in New Bern (same county) had a good ADHD program, but that was to no avail he was stuck where he was. High School was worse then middle school, in school suspensions out of school suspensions, one right after the other. One day it was shortly after Columbine we got a call from the school, was was to be suspended from school for cussing a teacher. So here we go off to the school again!! What did he do! Since Columbine happened the doors to the lunch room were to be locked, Shane had to use the rest room, he was caught roaming the halls as they say, he was stopped by a teacher asked where he was suppose to be he said lunch but he had to go to the bathroom, the teacher said he couldn't till after lunch, frustrated he said what do you want me to do piss on the floor? That was enough off to the principals office and suspended, This was the last straw we took him out of school, and decided to teach him at home.
he was diagnosed as ADHD in 1st grade attended special ed while we were in California, when we moved back to Havelock NC he was also placed in a contained class with much more severe learning disabled children, but he was doing good and that is what counts.
Shane was always a very inquisitive child, always on the go. I remember one time it was about 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning the phone rang, it was the police, asking if we knew where Shane was my husband said in bed, the cop said are you sure, Dennis got up went to his room and he was not there, he was at the Winn Dixie, was told by neighborhood kids that prostitutes hung out there, so he went to see for himself, he was about 6 at that time.
As the years went by he struggled in school but got by, by the time he entered middle school there was no self contained class, Shane was to be mainstreamed but would have a IEP (individual education plan) ha!!We were always being called to the school, for IEP meetings (waste of everyone time) or he was in trouble. I think it was middle school he was accused of sexual harassment! He called a girl Muffin!! I couldn't go to that meeting, had to work my husband went. But calling a girl Muffin!! sexual harassment!! One of his conditions of his IEP was he could be on the foot ball team as an incentive but was not to be used as punishment. every Friday the football team got to where their jerseys, Shane did something I don't remember what their has been so much, as his punishment he was not allowed to wear his jersey.That was against his IEP. He was very distraught that evening my husband called the principal Mr West the most wonderful principal in the world I can not say enough about that man. After my husband explained the situation Mr West told him to meet him at his office in the morning and we would take care of that. i took Shane to school that next morning and Mr West got him his jersey!!
Another time Shane got into trouble was shoplifting at the local drug store his friends dared him and he took some lip balm, got another call my good ole Havelock PD, Shane was at the station, my husband went to pick him up as his punishment he had to write an essay about why shoplifting was wrong, he did that turned it in to the police and in front of the child threw it away didn't even read it..
OK so that takes care of middle school, on to high school. Again no special ed, so more IEP meetings, Shane was to have extra time taking tests and he wouldd have a computer to do his class work Shane was now diagnosed as Dis graphic he cant write. He didn't like the computer so he accidentally broke it. Now we are into the end of year testing, if you don't pass that you don 't go on to the next grade, Shane was placed in a special class for that after all we want the teachers to look good. After a few in school suspensions we noticed he did much better in there, why? because he was in cubical no distractions he actually got he work done and was done right, so at one of the IEP meetings we asked if this could be arranged for him he was passing for crying out loud!! But of course no it couldn't be arragned. So we had to continue struggling. We got involved with the local group for ADHD kids tried to make a difference. At one point we went into mediation, we had heard that the high School in New Bern (same county) had a good ADHD program, but that was to no avail he was stuck where he was. High School was worse then middle school, in school suspensions out of school suspensions, one right after the other. One day it was shortly after Columbine we got a call from the school, was was to be suspended from school for cussing a teacher. So here we go off to the school again!! What did he do! Since Columbine happened the doors to the lunch room were to be locked, Shane had to use the rest room, he was caught roaming the halls as they say, he was stopped by a teacher asked where he was suppose to be he said lunch but he had to go to the bathroom, the teacher said he couldn't till after lunch, frustrated he said what do you want me to do piss on the floor? That was enough off to the principals office and suspended, This was the last straw we took him out of school, and decided to teach him at home.
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